Understanding Stress & Cultivating a Playful Relationship with It

Stress is something that we, as humans, actually NEED in our lives. Essentially, it is what get us up every morning and propels us to move forward through our day. We require the flight or flight response and we WANT this to be activated when we find ourselves in certain life-threatening situations; however, stress has become an EPIDEMIC.

Over the years, as our environments have changed and we have adapted, stress has developed into a definition of the self. Not only do we DEFINE ourselves by how much stress we have throughout the day, but we also talk about it and try to “one-up” everyone else (in a way attempting to foster empathy from others). When we occupy our time spent with others by discussing our varying levels of stress, we are actually engaging in “comparative suffering,” a way of making sense of our own pain by comparing it to the pain of others. We all do this to a certain extent, and while it does help us to gain perspective, it also corrodes COMPASSION and CONNECTION.

The simple act of talking about stress can actually ENHANCE stress. The stress hormone cortisol is essential for our survival and serves as a mechanism for signaling danger, BUT when it is constantly activated and being produced in the body, it leads to CHRONIC levels of stress, or “distress.” DISTRESS arises because we are continuously being ASSAULTED with messages from society, the media, our family and our friends, warning us that we need to be on ALERT status about something. Often times, too, these “somethings” can be extremely mundane.

We worry about our to-do lists, our job, making plans with friends, the state of our relationships, how we talk to one another, how much water we are drinking, what our next meal might be, what the next best trend or newest fad may be, and so on. What is really MISSING from all of this is COMMON SENSE. We are truly suffering from “death of the obvious.”

At the end of the day, we must ask ourselves if we want to spend our time DISTRACTING ourselves or EXPERIENCING what life has in store for us? It comes down to whether you want to be a VICTIM of life or a LIVER of life?

There IS such a thing as TOO much stress and we MUST pay attention to some of the symptoms that arise as a result. Possible symptoms can range from mood swings, crying, extreme highs and lows, memory loss, sleep problems or ruminating, to working, eating, drinking and shopping habits, irritation, yelling, road rage, etc. If one or many of these things are happening then you really have to take a step back and start LOOKING at what it is that is CAUSING you stress.

A lot of stress, or a great deal of it, comes by way of PERCEPTION, or INTERPRETING our own reality. There is a tendency of the mind to try to understand WHAT is going on so that it can feel comfortable with what is happening in the moment, although it may not REALLY be the situation. These thoughts are referred to as “COGNITIVE DISTORTIONS,” representing irrational or exaggerated thoughts or thought patterns that do not serve our best interests. Not only are they inaccurate, but they often attempt to convince us of something that isn’t true and reinforce negative thoughts and emotions. The brain is essentially trying to rationalize and tell ourselves things that may seem accurate, but, the fact of the matter is that these thoughts only serve to keep us feeling bad about ourselves.

CATASTROPHIZING and GLOBAL LABELING are other behaviors that can arise as a result of distress. Catastrophizing happens when someone assumes that the worst will happen. It doesn’t help us to do anything, let alone anything productive. Global labeling, on the other hand, is a form of generalization that involves making assumptions of one’s self, another person, or a group. It usually includes negative, all-encompassing language such as “always,” “never,” or “every.”

Another common practice in times of stress can be the rejection of the positive or VICTIMIZATION. Making yourself into the victim or thinking that SOMETHING is always happening TO you is a very slippery slope that often leads to a negative life. You can NOT wait for someone else to RESCUE you, take care of you or help you though life. You CAN navigate through the difficulties and obstacles of life and you WILL become RESILIENT as a result. Yes, there are traumatic events that may take place in our lives that take away from some of the activities we engage in or the feelings that we encounter, however, you must learn to forgive and LET GO, because if you don’t, it will stay with you FOR LIFE. The ONLY person you can count on ENTIRELY is YOU.

Entitlement has also taken over a HUGE part of our lives and many people believe that everything is about them. You are NOT the center of the universe, you are merely a PART of it. The people that get the FARTHEST in life are those who think about the WE, not the ME. After all, we are a COMMUNITY and it is part of our nature to CONNECT with others.

Distorted thoughts can also be accompanied by the act of being CLAIRVOYANT, or believing that you are able to see things that cannot be perceived by normal senses. This way of thinking involves trying to constantly predict what the future holds, and more often than not, in a gloom or doom way. These types of thoughts actually mirror and align with what PESSIMISTS do.

Pessimists have 3 things in common: they make things PERSONAL, they keep them PERMANENT, and they are PERVASIVE.

It is difficult to let loose, laugh and have fun when you are too UPTIGHT. When you are uptight, your entire body has to squeeze and is tensed up in preparation for the fight or flight response. The reality is that NO ONE can predict what will happen today, tomorrow, next week, month or year; not you, and not even the weatherman. Chances are, if you try, you WILL be wrong.

WHY WORRY ABOUT SOMETHING THAT HASN’T HAPPENED YET? Seriously.

You can plan all you want but life is UNPREDICTABLE, and UNEXPECTED changes are INEVITABLE. As the old adage goes, “Man plans. God laughs.”

So, HOW can we HANDLE stress and be PLAYFUL with it?

1. Use LUSCIOUS language — when you interact with yourself and others, spice up your vocabulary by changing up your responses and your tone. Words have been researched and studied for how they correlate to EMOTION. What is said RESONATES with your body and your brain (good or bad, it becomes assimilated on a deep level).

2. Be GRATEFUL — wake up EVERY day and have appreciation for the littlest of things. Not everyone wakes up, and what may seem little to you may be a big thing to others. Take inventory of the blessings in your life and truly acknowledge how lucky you are, no matter what your circumstances may be. (This goes hand in hand with my mindset theory on ROMANTICIZING YOUR LIFE and believing that EVERY single part of your day, no matter how mundane, is exciting and new; you truly begin living when you look forward to every day).

3. BREATHE and exercise your HEART — your heart is your “little brain.” The same tissue that resides in brain can be found in your heart and when you are stressed it can begin to beat irregularly. When you feel stressed or overwhelmed, place your right hand on your heart and your left hand on your belly, close your eyes and take slow, deep breaths. Imagine someone you love, appreciate and value; who holds your heart as their own and doesn’t criticize or judge you. Visualize them and you will notice that your breathing and heart rate becomes more regular, leaving you full of positive emotions. It is these positive emotions that will fill you up, help with depression and anxiety, and create a wonderful sense of light that surrounds you and can be carried forward into your day ahead.

4. Use your sense of HUMOR — do things that make you laugh and get comfortable laughing at YOURSELF. Children laugh, on average, 400x each day, while adults are lucky if they laugh 15x in a day. Laughter is the best medicine and one of the greatest coping mechanisms ever created, and we actually hold the POWER to increase this on a daily basis. See the humor behind the little behaviors that you do and you won’t believe the amount of fun and laughter that awaits. STOP LOOKING FOR FUN AND BECOME THE FUN.

5. INTERACT with as many people as possible — one of the best human exchanges you can have is a smile. Next time you are at the grocery store, in line at a coffee shop or simply outside, smile, say hi and look pleasant. You make a DIFFERENCE in the world and your interactions can become CONTAGIOUS and may very well be the highlight of someone else’s day.

6. Get your ENDORPHINS going — any way that you know how. Exercise, laugh, listen to music, dance, sing, the list goes on. The chemical response from these endorphins produces a similar effect to opiates, heroine and morphine, and can help lower blood pressure and the risk of heart disease.
   

While it is important to understand the stressors present in your life, it is EVERMORE important to learn how to cope with them in a way that reduces their effect and allows you to truly LIVE your life, not be a victim to it. You are NOT a product of your CIRCUMSTANCES, you ARE a product of your ACTIONS and your DECISIONS.

Xx,

Leah Kutsch

P.S. Keeping IIN Touch