Finding & Fostering Unexpected Friendships That Last

Whether you are an introvert or an extrovert, at times, it can feel overwhelming or difficult to find and make new friendships as an adult. Part of this is rooted in the fact that, when we were young, there were social structures already in place that help to facilitate friendship — things like being in same school class, sports team, dorm floor, etc. In other words, it came naturally and you didn’t have to work as much for it, or to maintain it.

As we get older, however, these same social constructs that we're set up for us no longer exist, therefore, we must SEEK them out and establish them for ourselves. The problem with this, however, is that nowadays we tend to overextend ourselves with our work, family, romantic relationships, fitness routines, self-care and other commitments that we end up NEGLECTING our friendships. Then, when we don’t allow our friendships to be at the top of our priority list, we end up feeling GUILTY as a result. Oftentimes this becomes a double-edged sword in the sense that we also have the tendency to feel guilty when we DO give ourselves time to focus on our friendships, instead of spending that time on something "more productive" or one of the various other things wanting and requiring our attention.

We need to DISRUPT this thought pattern entirely and remind ourselves that friendships are NATURAL. By shifting this perspective and understanding the importance of friendships, we can return to the underlying fact that our emotional and spiritual survival RELIES on our relationship with others.

With that being said, however, we also need to alter our perception of what a relationship is, at its core. Too many times, relationships fail or fade away because people are under the impression that you get into a relationship in order to GET something out of it. They try to find someone ELSE that can make them feel good or bring them joy. In reality, the ONLY way a relationship can succeed and last is when you see it as a space you go to GIVE, not as a space you go to TAKE.

As we evolve, both on an emotional and spiritual level, we have new life experiences and develop new interests and we NEED people by our side that support, motivate and encourage us to become the person we desire to be and step into a life we love. After all, we all encounter numerous obstacles in our daily life, and when you have someone standing next to you and cheering you on along the way, you are more able to overcome these challenges.

In order to make SUSTAINABLE changes, we need to step out of our own way and give ourselves the PERMISSION to be vulnerable, to open up and connect with one another on a much deeper, more authentic level. As hard as that may be, this means actually letting your walls down, stripping down the facade that your life is great, and getting REAL with not only yourself, but also with others.

Ultimately, friendship is about having the COURAGE, not the confidence, to share who you truly are with the people in front of you, because THIS is what actually enables you to form a connection. Be the LEADER in creating these connections, and empower others to do the same. Trust in the fact that you never know who or where your best friend may be. Release any judgements you may have and stay curious about others. Most importantly, be PRESENT. When you are with someone, be WITH them — you are sharing a space that has ENDLESS upside potential.

Be kind with yourself as you reflect on your unique relationships and efforts towards finding those LASTING connections with others. Keep in mind, it is all about balance and accepting the idea that our social needs and relations are not only individual, but also that they are ever-changing based on our environment. Take action by starting with small, consistent steps and building as you go. Have grace and forgiveness towards yourself and remember it is about progress, not perfection.

Xx,

Leah Kutsch

P.S. Keeping IIN Touch